Messing with Alistair
by Nukid
Summary: Who does Alistair wake up to find in his bed beside him? Oneshot


Hey everyone. Just a small oneshot idea that came to mind…which makes me fear for myself ^^'. Anyway, enjoy!

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><p>It had been the night after the Grey Warden Cousland and his band of allies had successfully united Ferelden back together to face the oncoming blight. After killing the traitor Loghain and finally cleared the Grey Wardens of betraying King Cailin, it seemed an appropriate time for a party.<p>

As per any party, booze was involved. And when Oghren was at a party, it seemed like everyone for one night, became as bad a drunkard as him. Alistair only remembered bits and pieces of that night, Morrigan kissing Sten on the lips, Wynne allowing Zevran to rest his head in her bosom, newly lovers Cousland and Leliana making out on the floor almost to the point of sex, and –most hilarious of all- Oghren riding the Wardens Mabari Hound Rabbit around the camp, singing a song that was either about wenches or a Nug.

Still, all nights must come to an end, and at some point that night, Alistair-well, King Alistair now- had managed to find his tent, slip under his blanket, and fall into a deep, drunken sleep. Come morning, sunlight from the tents flap beamed across his face. Alistair fidgeted under his cover, barely awake and trying hard to fall back to sleep. Groaning, he turned his body around so as to lie asleep on his other shoulder.

However, when Alistair moved, he felt his shoulder touch something, warm and soft. Slowly, Alistair opened his eyes.

Lying under the quilt beside him was Zevran, looking at Alistair with a smile across his face.

Naked.

Alistair wasn't exactly sure how to react to the scene before him. He stared gawping at the naked Zevran "W-wha…Zevran…"

"Oops, did I wake you Alistair?" Zevran asked softly "my apologies, I didn't mean to. I figured after our…bonding last night, you'd need to rest."

The penny dropped in Alistairs' mind.

Alistair went pale in the face, his jaw trembling at the realisation of the situation "oh no…no, no way…"

"Ah, has last nights celebrations returned to you? Not surprising, things did get a little…" Zevran chuckled "…passionate between us."

"Oh no…oh Maker no…"

"I suppose we were just in such festive moods, that we had the stamina of an Orlesian horse in its heat."

"How could I…oh Maker what have I done?"

"Now now Alistair. You and your fellow Grey Warden are Fereldon's only chance at stopping the Blight and killing the Archdemon. No one blames you if you need to relieve some tension" Zevran assured. He tried to sound comforting, but there was an obvious hint of amusement in his voice.

"I'm the King of Fereldon!" Alistair cried out, his voice reduced to near sobs "royalty does not do this sort of thing!"

"On the contrary, they say every Royalty member in Antiva has both a male and female whore, ready to pleasure him if they so desire it" Zevran explained "in fact, you are not the first royalty I've ever bedded. If it makes you feel better, you are the most handsome one though."

"No it does not!" Alistair shouted. He rolled onto his back, his hands covering his eyes "please tell me no one else knows of this?"

"No one…well, except Oghren, but, well…" smiling, Zevran leaned up close to Alistair, almost whispering in his ear.

"…he got in on the action."

But a second later, Alistair almost threw himself out of the tent, naked head to toe. His right hand covered his mouth, both his cheeks puffed up as he was about to be sick. Naked regardless, he ran straight to the nearest bushes at full speed.

A moment later, Zevran poked his head out of the tent, and turned to his right. Morrigan, Sten and Oghren stood waiting outside, seemingly sober, and Morrigan in particular looked amused "so, I take it his Royal Highness fell for it?"

"Indeed he did. For an Antivan Crow, slipping into his bed at night whilst he was asleep was like childsplay" Zevran said with a slight bow "and it seemed he was utterly repulsed at the thought of our little trick."

"Well then Dwarf" Morrigan proclaimed triumphantly, turning to Oghren "it seems I win the bet. I expect full payment now if you'd be so kind. Twenty Sovereigns."

"Tch, fine. Bleeding Nug licker…" Oghren growled, dropping the coins into Morrigans hands. Sten watched the interaction with mild interest.

"You betted twenty sovereigns as to whether or not Zevran could sneak into his bed?" Sten grunted. Oghren turned to him and snarled.

"No. I betted as to whether Alistair would've been upset or not. I was sure that little pike twirler liked men…"


End file.
